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Hello, Internauts.我回來了。 I watched more of that TV show I said I was going to watch.稍後會詳細介紹。 But first, in my inaugural recap last week, I told you I was being paid five dollars a word for these posts. Some people thought this was outrageous. Well, of course it's outrageous. That's why I told Vulture I needed an immediate raise to TEN dollars a word. Thank you for your outrage on my behalf.

和！ Though I was under no onus to do so, I went ahead and watched last week's second night of auditions, and have provided a bonus mini-cap of that episode! I BLEED TIME!

And now, onto this week. Wednesday finds us in Milwaukee.等等，真的嗎？是的。 I rewound it.這是故意的。 Milwaukee is the home of season eight Idol Danny Gokey, whose name brings to mind an unpleasant association with anime. I'll admit, that's more my problem than his.

讓我們開始吧！ Baby-faced/man-voiced Scott McCreery makes it though with a bit of country croonery, which means he will not win. After Scott finishes, Steven Tyler says another supposedly hilarious thing that I guess he's going to insist upon doing, using language unbecoming one of the stars of黑暗水晶。

Fifteen-year-old Emma Henry almost doesn't make it! She cries when J.Lo tells her that her voice needs more work. Randy wants to say no, because this competition will eat Emma alive. I guess when the producers lowered the age restrictions this season, they were hoping for some of those hard-edged, mercenary 15-year-olds. Folks, these are the kinds of children we need to be molding into top 40 singers. Ultimately, her crying and pleading work, and Randy says yes, contradicting his whole point.對她有好處嗎？

Sidebar: Throughout the episode, Steven Tyler occasionally puts on these Rite Aid–spinning-rack-looking reading glasses and it drives me nuts. I hate nothing more than when millionaires have cheap accessories. Last year I kept seeing Paul McCartney wearing those suspenders with the clips. SIR Paul McCartney.剪輯。 Let me tell you something: If I had that kind of money, I would wear white tie and tails to the DMV. The sweat would pour in rivulets from underneath my opera hat, but I'd wipe it away with a gold brick.

Then, for a long while, like 30 minutes, nothing interesting happens.沒有什麼。 There's the obligatory montage of people whose discovery of their tone-deafness manifests as anger, and then a bunch of other people sing pleasantly and go on to the next round in rather rapid succession. I had my fingers in home row position for what felt like ages.

And then, at last, it's time for a moment they've been teasing all night. Chris Medina is engaged to a young lady who was in a horrific car accident and was not expected to recover. She has beaten the odds and is now in a wheelchair with very limited mobility and speech. Chris sings beautifully and passes the audition, no sweat. But then the judges ask to meet his fiancée. Chris wheels her in and Randy, J.Lo, and Steven Tyler crowd around her and start hugging and kissing her. She is powerless to stop this. I am not really trying to be funny or “outrageous” when I say: Just because someone's in a wheelchair and has limited mobility and speech, doesn't mean you can touch her and kiss her and that she's necessarily excited to meet you.想想你在做什麼。 She's not a baby.她是成年人了。 So … yeah. Maybe remember that even people who are sitting down have boundaries.

Tomorrow night we're on to Nashville, which has produced some of the greatest artists in the history of American music.無壓力！

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